Life Of Q

4 months and 23 days. That's the answer I received when I tearfully Googled, "how long does it take to adjust to becoming a mother?" It was one of those days. The hard ones. I want to make it crystal clear, that when I talk about my tough times and trials in motherhood, it really has nothing to do with my son. It is not his fault I have struggled. I do not blame him. And he is not a difficult baby by any means.  It's hard to explain the emotions and thoughts that come with becoming a new mom, especially when postpartum depression is added to the equation. It is debilitating, but Jude is my light in the darkness.  I remember after reading about the 4 months and 23 days it took to adjust, telling myself, "if I can just make it until then, everything will be fine."  In the beginning when I was having an extra tough day, I mentally repeated "4 months 23 days." I thought for sure once that day hit, everything would come together at once and I would ...

Before people actually have a baby, they say a lot of things. They talk about what kind of parent they'll be and what is right and wrong when it comes to child rearing. I am extremely guilty of this! There are so many things I said I would or wouldn't do with Jude, before I actually had Jude. Everything changes when that little baby is actually here and you're just trying to keep your head above water.  My first "failure" as a mother happened within 48 hours of becoming one. I swore no baby of mine would ever have a drop of formula. Ha. As I have previously talked about, I have struggled with depression for years. I was on a pregnancy safe antidepressant for my entire pregnancy, and was told by my doctor most babies have to issue with it being in you breast milk. Jude isn't most babies. Those first two days weren't bliss, like most new mom's claim they are. They were awful. Jude was going through withdrawals from my medication, the dose he was gett...

Let's face it. Being a mom isn't for the weak. I see so many girls wanting to get pregnant so they can dress their babies up cute and have a little miniature version of themselves. I have news for you. Dressing your baby is like.. 2% of what being a mom actually entails. Or maybe like 5% if you have a puke machine for a baby like I do. After I get a cute picture of Jude in his little outfit, he spits up all over it and then I let him hang out in his diaper all day. That's reality.  The truth? It's scary. It's hard . Don't get me wrong, it's the most amazing and rewarding thing I have ever experienced, but there needs to be more conversation on the realities of motherhood.  You will never understand how exhausting it is having a newborn, until you have a newborn. Going your whole life only being responsible for yourself, then suddenly having your own human, who needs 24 hour care.. man. It takes a lot out of you. Heck, even though my baby is 4 months...

If you know me, you know I keep things real. My mouth often gets me in trouble, because I'm just not the type to sugarcoat anything. So here I am, telling you moms, depression fighters, and especially MOMS WITH DEPRESSION: GET OUT OF YOUR HOUSE! Even if it's the last thing you want to do, force yourself, because that's when you need it the most. After I had Jude I was a wreck. My mom kept telling me I needed to leave the house, at least once a day, because it's extremely important not to stay cooped up all day with your new baby (especially when you're home alone). Of course, my stubborn self didn't listen to her and stayed in my house alone with my new baby. All day. Every day. I would have so many emotional breakdowns every day- baby blues are no joke, people. It wasn't until Jude was 4 weeks old and we moved to a new town where we knew absolutely no one (that story deserves its own post), that I decided to finally take my mom's advice and get out of...