When The Darkness Hits
I'm not sure why I'm publishing this. Perhaps to vent, give you an understanding of how those in your life who struggle with depression can feel, or both. If you have never struggled with mental illness, it can be so hard to understand what those who are, are living with.
I often refer to my worst episodes of depression as The Darkness. To me, it's more simple that way than trying to explain the complexity of such a feeling, every time I feel it.
You know how wearing sunglasses dims the color of everything? And when you take them off it's shocking how colorful and beautiful everything actually is? I am always wearing sunglasses. Nothing has much color, it's all a little dull. That's my normal- not the Darkness. No, no. When the Darkness hits, it's like the lenses of the sunglasses suddenly and completely darken. You can hardly see a thing. I could be having a good day, nothing in particular is making me anxious or upsetting me- then bam, out of nowhere... The Darkness hits.
When the Darkness hits, you get irrational. You feel like life has no meaning, that everything is for nothing and there is no point in living at all. When the Darkness hits, you make rash decisions like dropping out of school even though you only had a semester left until graduating. The Darkness makes you inconsolable, you can't explain what's wrong to anyone because you don't even know. When it hits, you push everyone away for no reason at all. The Darkness makes you start groundless arguments with your family and closest friends. It wants you to push everyone out of your life, to get you alone and consume you. The Darkness makes you angry at everyone and everything, including yourself. The Darkness feeds on self-destruction.
Sometimes The Darkness lingers for a week or two.. sometimes it only lasts a few hours. But no matter how long it decides to stick around, you're always left alone to clean up the mess it helped you create.
If you have a loved one with depression, please be gentle with them. Be compassionate, patient, and know that sometimes the best thing to do for them is nothing at all. dd46f30c99c1db1c5da42fb9cf16da55cd0025d57a512bd373
I often refer to my worst episodes of depression as The Darkness. To me, it's more simple that way than trying to explain the complexity of such a feeling, every time I feel it.
You know how wearing sunglasses dims the color of everything? And when you take them off it's shocking how colorful and beautiful everything actually is? I am always wearing sunglasses. Nothing has much color, it's all a little dull. That's my normal- not the Darkness. No, no. When the Darkness hits, it's like the lenses of the sunglasses suddenly and completely darken. You can hardly see a thing. I could be having a good day, nothing in particular is making me anxious or upsetting me- then bam, out of nowhere... The Darkness hits.
When the Darkness hits, you get irrational. You feel like life has no meaning, that everything is for nothing and there is no point in living at all. When the Darkness hits, you make rash decisions like dropping out of school even though you only had a semester left until graduating. The Darkness makes you inconsolable, you can't explain what's wrong to anyone because you don't even know. When it hits, you push everyone away for no reason at all. The Darkness makes you start groundless arguments with your family and closest friends. It wants you to push everyone out of your life, to get you alone and consume you. The Darkness makes you angry at everyone and everything, including yourself. The Darkness feeds on self-destruction.
Sometimes The Darkness lingers for a week or two.. sometimes it only lasts a few hours. But no matter how long it decides to stick around, you're always left alone to clean up the mess it helped you create.
If you have a loved one with depression, please be gentle with them. Be compassionate, patient, and know that sometimes the best thing to do for them is nothing at all. dd46f30c99c1db1c5da42fb9cf16da55cd0025d57a512bd373
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