Never Say Never

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Before people actually have a baby, they say a lot of things. They talk about what kind of parent they'll be and what is right and wrong when it comes to child rearing. I am extremely guilty of this! There are so many things I said I would or wouldn't do with Jude, before I actually had Jude. Everything changes when that little baby is actually here and you're just trying to keep your head above water. 

My first "failure" as a mother happened within 48 hours of becoming one. I swore no baby of mine would ever have a drop of formula. Ha. As I have previously talked about, I have struggled with depression for years. I was on a pregnancy safe antidepressant for my entire pregnancy, and was told by my doctor most babies have to issue with it being in you breast milk. Jude isn't most babies. Those first two days weren't bliss, like most new mom's claim they are. They were awful. Jude was going through withdrawals from my medication, the dose he was getting through my milk wasn't enough. It was making him sick. He would scream in pain after eating and I felt awful. He eventually wouldn't even latch anymore, it's like he knew it would hurt him. I finally swallowed my pride and told the nurse to bring us some formula. And that was that. I know how beneficial breastfeeding is for both mom and baby, so it has taken me a couple months to accept that I am not a bad mom for not being able to nurse.

"When I have kids I won't even have a t.v. in my house," I once told my mom. She just gave me the look, you know the one. And now I know why. You guys! Jude is only 4 months old and he LOVES t.v.! I feel so so bad about it sometimes, but when he is sick of his swing, play mat, and carrier, and I have got to finish the dishes... he watches movies. I have seen Moana, Trollz & Sing more times than I can count. Hey, you do what you have to do sometimes. 

My entire pregnancy my family kept trying to tell me I would have my babies sleep in bed with me. I refused. I had a mental list of reasons on why I would never bedshare, and I was really certain I wouldn't. Guess who was in my bed the first night home from the hospital!? It started as a convenience thing. It was easier for my sore and tired self to reach over and feed him than to walk over to his bassinet throughout the night. It quickly turned into a bonding thing. Since I'm not able to breastfeed, I try so hard to overcompensate in other areas to bond. My favorite way to end the day is the cuddles with my sweet boy, having him hold my finger till he falls asleep. Ohhhh, and waking up and rolling over to see the cutest, smiling face. It makes my heart burst every time. It was something I swore I would never do, and now I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. We both need each other, we both love it, and he will only want to cuddle with me for so long. 

So when it comes to most things in parenting, never say never. 

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